I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
