You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
