no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
