I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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