Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
