I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
