TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
