Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
