I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
