There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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