seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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