final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
