Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
