My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
