Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
