As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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