You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
