I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize