The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
