he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
