I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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