I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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