I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
