Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
