I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
