I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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