I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
