I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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