yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
