I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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