she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
