When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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