Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
