If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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