Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
