im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
