I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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