hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Randomize
