508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
