Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
