I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
be right there i have to get my cape
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize