he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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