Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
