me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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