hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
