butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
