Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
