Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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