Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
