Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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