she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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