How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
