we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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