Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
