Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
