I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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