im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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