Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
