Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
