i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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