You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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