He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
