Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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