Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
