I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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