I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
