if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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