Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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