this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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