Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
