I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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