searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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