dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
