what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
