Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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