We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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