I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
4 words: hood of his car
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
