can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
