So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
